Re-Opening

The world is opening up again. But not in the way we thought and truth be told, we never thought we’d be here in the first place. Hundreds of thousands of deaths due to a virus we have yet to fully understand, and the streets on fire with passion for justice and deep dark sorrow rooted in a history we have refused to fully acknowledge as a nation. Underneath it all, the earth struggles to support us as we neglect planetary matters of life and death. There is so much to carry right now, for all of us. For the first time in a long time, there is no one who is not experiencing the same staggering circumstances. 

I woke up this morning feeling lost, wondering what I can do, where to begin. As I drank my coffee, I began thinking about the power there is in acceptance. The degree to which we accept something is the degree to which we can change it. I’m not talking about submissive acceptance, or resigning oneself to status quo, that’s “just the way it is” sort of thinking. I’m talking about acceptance as acknowledgement of hard truth, as presence that allows for sharp intuitive response, for wise, intentional action. We are in the crucible. There is no escaping this moment. To ignore what is happening to our fellow humans right now is to lose a big part of ourselves, to die inside. There is too much death outside to let this happen. 

That’s precisely the issue, it’s too much. My poor psyche cannot comprehend whether this threshold we are crossing is one that leads to long overdue justice and a more enlivened existence for all, or to the end of the world. What we are facing must be felt, intuited, known in a different way, in a way that calls for great courage because it is not a sheltering in or shutting down. It is a re-opening of the heart to feel all the emotions that give us insight and show us the way to love. This is scary for the obvious reasons. Brené Brown made vulnerability a household name and here is our chance to really go for it. 

If we open ourselves up, we can trust that the psyche will not give us more than we can handle at any one time. We can trust the more intuitive approach to experiencing our way through this mess. The mind cannot solve these problems. What is happening is bigger than all our minds combined, deeper than our known histories, and it will not be solved by any one answer, even if we were all to agree upon it, which seems virtually impossible at this point. So we have little choice it would seem. The heart it is. 

When the heart leads, there is no hierarchy. To go on this journey, we need no degree, no status, no money in the bank. Those of us just now awakening may struggle, but the heart is gentle and always takes care of its own, for the heart has a special relationship with fear. And fear will be with us the whole way. There is no leaving fear behind. But if we welcome Fear as one of the family, we will come to accept his presence and even benefit at times from his alarms at the edge of camp. He is there to look out for us, and occasionally, though not as often as he would have us believe, he is talking about something real, something that needs to be avoided or confronted. Sometimes he saves us from a bee sting, sometimes a head on collision. 

Still, we cannot give Fear too much attention. He has a way of taking over the conversation and making it all about himself. There is no question -- this is Love’s ride. Fear wouldn’t survive for one day if not for Love. So we let Love in to the darkest corners of our tattered tents, our small attempts at living, and she sweeps them clean, disinfects our hidden wounds, sings to shake off our insomnia. It is not a painless process, but we sleep for the first time in a long time. And we wake miraculously to a new day. To work and to love.

Some ways to begin…

I’ve listened to the words of John O’Donohue countless times when I’ve needed comfort and they really ring true right now.

I took a Compassion Immersion with Julia Frodhal and learned so much about opening the heart. Next class begins July 10.

Tara Brach’s podcast has comforting insights on practicing presence in difficult times.

I love posts from So She Slays, Cleo Wade, Yasmine Cheyenne on Instagram.

I’ve been listening to Ólafur Arnalds non-stop and also Erika Wennerstrom and Alice Coltrane.

Sometimes all we can do is listen to a poem. Poetry Unbound has quiet moments of pause for us.

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Sending love to you… xx Kate